Work!

I've survived returning to work! The first day back was the hardest. The first couple of hours were the worst part. I made the mistake of checking old emails when the day began. When I saw one that said Davra's shower I should have just deleted it, but I decided to open it. I read through it as my students quietly worked on their morning warm-up. After I read it I realized that I hadn't put up the spelling words yet. So I got the spelling poster and started making the list in the back of the room. Fortunately my back was to the students because I just couldn't control my crying- it was definitely not a good idea to read that email. I just wanted to leave. I walked out of the room without saying anything to my students and got the teacher across the hall to watch them. I soon realized that there is little privacy in a school and couldn't find anywhere to go to be alone for a second. There's a 5th grade teacher that had a similar situation and has been wonderful about comforting me. I knew her students were at groups so I went to her room. I think it's truly a blessing to have someone at my school that has gone through something similar. Other people can say things to try and comfort, but to have someone that's been there and actually made it through- it's just different. She reminded me of the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13. It's amazing how God places people in my life to say the exact thing I need to hear at the time. That one little verse reminded me who was in control and why I was there. When I got up in front of my students and started teaching, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. We started a new composition on Monday, and I was giving them examples of what I might write. I'm always amazed that they laugh at my corny jokes- I love it! Later in the day my students noticed Nolan's pictures on my desk. A swarm of questions ensued. Questions I would never have thought of like- "what do you think his favorite color was?". I enjoyed getting to talk about him with them.
I haven't had a melt down since the first day. My students have managed to keep me laughing throughout most of the day. I forgot how witty and funny some of them are- and sometimes they don't even realize it. There are still moments when I think- I'm not supposed to be here. I should be with Nolan. But then I remember that I'm exactly where God has lead me, and He has purpose for my life. Even though I don't understand it now, I know everything will be used for His glory. So thank you for all your prayers and thoughts, they are appreciate more than can be expressed in words.