It's been a long time again! So let me get you caught up on how things are going. Spring break was WONDERFUL!!! A much needed break. Plus we got to see Matthew and Casey (my brother-in-law and sister-in-law), and that's always fun! We went to go see bluebonnets and they let me practice taking pictures of them. Which I plan on posting them very soon! I also bought photo editing software over the break. Very exciting! But now I have to really figure out how to use it.
I have to admit, I was not excited about having to come back to school, mainly because I got used to sleeping in again. I really think that if they just started school one to mabye two hours later it would be the perfect job. I love my job! (except for the whole TAKS thing) Fortunately that is almost over too!! It's crazy, but the most fun time in school is always the last month. It's stress free and you can do activities that there just wasn't enough time for before because you were preparing for the TAKS (but not teaching TO the TAKS!). The kids are always more relaxed and I am definitely more relaxed- although last year I was also nauseated the entire day due to extreme morning sickness- but it was still my favorite part of the year! So, I'm excited that TAKS is almost here and over and I'll get to really enjoy my kiddos and teaching for the rest of the year!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Today
Nolan would have been 4 months old today! It feels like such a long time ago that I got to hold him in my arms. I told Michael the other day that the hardest thing right now is that it's getting harder to remember what he felt like when I held him in my arms. I remember the emotions and the excitement very clearly. I can still remember him looking up at me and over to his daddy, and how he stopped crying and just gazed up at me when I sang to him. I can still see his little re-end wiggling in the air. But I used to actually be able to "feel" him in my arms. It's hard to adequately explain what I mean by that, how it's different than simply remembering, but it is.
His grave marker is in. It's beautiful. It's Noah's Ark with a bunch of little animals. It's nice to be able to put his flowers next to it. We're going to go there after work today. We've decided to go there for his birthday every month until what would have been his one year old birthday. This may sound crazy to some people, but I want to have a big party next year for him. I know it's not really for him but for me. A time to have everyone stop and remember him. I got this idea from a newsletter for Mom's Experiencing Neonatal Death. We'll still have everyone bring a gift appropriate for a 1 year old boy, but then after the party Michael and I will bring them down to Texas Children's and donate them. I just think it's such a great way to remember him and help others. So don't be shocked next Nov. when you get an invitation!
A few months back I joined a support group online (that's the problem with living in a small town...everything is sooooooo far away! So online made more sense). I get updates on posts everyday. It's amazing how many of the women in the group really put their faith, hope, joy, and trust in God. I guess that's why I find the group so encouraging. One of the women put a post up the other day that really just encouraged me. As Christians, we know this. But I feel like we forget to often. This is the scripture she posted- "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. The whole point of the post was that we should never let the enemy steal our peace and joy that God gives us. Our problem may be big, but our God is bigger!!!
His grave marker is in. It's beautiful. It's Noah's Ark with a bunch of little animals. It's nice to be able to put his flowers next to it. We're going to go there after work today. We've decided to go there for his birthday every month until what would have been his one year old birthday. This may sound crazy to some people, but I want to have a big party next year for him. I know it's not really for him but for me. A time to have everyone stop and remember him. I got this idea from a newsletter for Mom's Experiencing Neonatal Death. We'll still have everyone bring a gift appropriate for a 1 year old boy, but then after the party Michael and I will bring them down to Texas Children's and donate them. I just think it's such a great way to remember him and help others. So don't be shocked next Nov. when you get an invitation!
A few months back I joined a support group online (that's the problem with living in a small town...everything is sooooooo far away! So online made more sense). I get updates on posts everyday. It's amazing how many of the women in the group really put their faith, hope, joy, and trust in God. I guess that's why I find the group so encouraging. One of the women put a post up the other day that really just encouraged me. As Christians, we know this. But I feel like we forget to often. This is the scripture she posted- "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. The whole point of the post was that we should never let the enemy steal our peace and joy that God gives us. Our problem may be big, but our God is bigger!!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Roses are Red
Not this month. In a weird way, I'm just glad to have an answer. I'm a little sad, but not devastated.
I feel really bad for my students right now though. I'm terribly moody during this time of the month and my moodiness seems to be even worse than before I was pregnant. So, let me tell you what happened today! I have three little girls that are feuding. This has been going on for a week or two. This is the first problem of this sort for the whole year. Other than this, my students have all gotten along wonderfully (it's kind of strange just how well they got along). Needless to say, I was not a happy camper when they started getting on each other's cases again today during recess. Normally I would have calmly figured out what was going on and had them work it out, but like I said earlier, I'm very mood right now. And my mood at the current time was not a good one. After trying to avoid having to deal with the problem and then receiving a horrible glare from one of the girls the entire time I was teaching a math lesson, I decided to address the problem. Once in the hallway, I gave a nice little lecture that was way harsher than normal. I started to feel bad and made sure we had a nice group hug at the end. Even though the girls left with somewhat of a smile (At one point all three were crying), I still felt guilty for being so harsh towards one of the girls. I called her up and apologized. What I'm going to end with is what the little girl gave me at the end of the day. This is why I love 4th grade- you can have them in tears one moment and then they'll tell you they love you the next. No grudge holding.
"Roses are red, violets are blue; Sugar is sweet and so are you...I love you Mrs. Sitton"
I feel really bad for my students right now though. I'm terribly moody during this time of the month and my moodiness seems to be even worse than before I was pregnant. So, let me tell you what happened today! I have three little girls that are feuding. This has been going on for a week or two. This is the first problem of this sort for the whole year. Other than this, my students have all gotten along wonderfully (it's kind of strange just how well they got along). Needless to say, I was not a happy camper when they started getting on each other's cases again today during recess. Normally I would have calmly figured out what was going on and had them work it out, but like I said earlier, I'm very mood right now. And my mood at the current time was not a good one. After trying to avoid having to deal with the problem and then receiving a horrible glare from one of the girls the entire time I was teaching a math lesson, I decided to address the problem. Once in the hallway, I gave a nice little lecture that was way harsher than normal. I started to feel bad and made sure we had a nice group hug at the end. Even though the girls left with somewhat of a smile (At one point all three were crying), I still felt guilty for being so harsh towards one of the girls. I called her up and apologized. What I'm going to end with is what the little girl gave me at the end of the day. This is why I love 4th grade- you can have them in tears one moment and then they'll tell you they love you the next. No grudge holding.
"Roses are red, violets are blue; Sugar is sweet and so are you...I love you Mrs. Sitton"
Monday, March 2, 2009
Waiting
I feel like this post is long over due. I've been stalling in the hope of having some news, but as of right now, there is no news (good or bad). I've never been a patient person. It seems like there is nothing better than trying to get pregnant to teach patience. I hope this is not to much information for anyone, but I am almost two weeks late without a positive pregnancy test. I've been told by many moms that this is normally. It takes awhile to get back on track. The difficult part about this is that I have no idea now when to expect it, or when I should know that I've missed it. I'm too embarrassed to admit how many pregnancy test I've already taken, but on the advice of a friend that's been through this, I've decided not to take one for AT LEAST another week. So if you see me during the week, feel free to ask me if I have stayed true to this (I need some accountability!). Some days I'm able to pray about it and give my worry and anxiety about it over to God completely, but some days I can't seem to let go of it.
Last year I went to a women's conference with my church. I'll never forget when the praise and worship leader got up and spoke. She shared her story of trying to get pregnant and then adopting. The phrase that stuck with me is "God is in the waiting". I feel like often times I'm just living for that next big thing, which for Michael and I would be getting pregnant. But God hasn't called me to wait to live my life until I get what I'm waiting for. So this is my current struggle and prayer, that I would be content with where God has me right now. That I would be joyful in my current circumstance.
Last year I went to a women's conference with my church. I'll never forget when the praise and worship leader got up and spoke. She shared her story of trying to get pregnant and then adopting. The phrase that stuck with me is "God is in the waiting". I feel like often times I'm just living for that next big thing, which for Michael and I would be getting pregnant. But God hasn't called me to wait to live my life until I get what I'm waiting for. So this is my current struggle and prayer, that I would be content with where God has me right now. That I would be joyful in my current circumstance.
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