The Shower

I'm a little embarrassed to admitt this, but I've realized that I absolutely hate showering! It's not to bad when Michael is able to be in the bathroom and talk to me, but when I'm by myself, I can't stand having to take one. On Monday I got up really early and took one before Michael went to work, but this morning I slept in a little longer. It's not the actual showering that I don't like but that I feel completely and totally alone. Painful memories seem to fill my mind, and there are no distractions to take my mind off them. When I was pregnant, I loved hopping in the shower. It was usually the first thing I did in the morning, so every time I got in I'd say good morning to Nolan. I'd tell him it was time for us to get clean and talk to him throughout the entire shower. Now it's just me, and I miss him so much. I enjoy remembering those moments with him, but it hurts. Unfortunately I can't avoid showering for the rest of my life (I wouldn't want to make others suffer that way), and it's not practical to expect Michael to always be able to sit in the bathroom with me while I shower every time. It's just strange how simple things like taking a shower can become so difficult and hold so many memories.